if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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