I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
