I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
