I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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