Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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