Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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