I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
