don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
