You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize