She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
