My first STD was from a foam party
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
