Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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