You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize