Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
