I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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