You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
