not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
