You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We don't watch enough power rangers
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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