his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
