Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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