i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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