There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
