My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
