The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
