If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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