Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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