his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
