Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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