So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
