I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
