Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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