youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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