Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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