I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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