i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
