Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
