I think I am morally bankrupt
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
