I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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