our cab driver is having phone sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
