I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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