the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
