Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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