i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
