He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
