He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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