This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
