thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
