Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize