I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
