Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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