I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
