omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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