If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
