There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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