I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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