were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
