I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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