is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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