Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
