we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
