his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FUCK WHALES
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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