but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His hands were made for my vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
