Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
