I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
