I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
