well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there was a trapeze. enough said
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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