Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
