I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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