I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
