so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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