I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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