Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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