i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
