we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize