really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
