I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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