omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
