You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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