friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
