Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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