Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
