Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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