i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
