What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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