she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
