Banned from zoo.
Again?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize