In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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