I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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