That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
PANTIES FOUND
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
