where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
