what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
