is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's get the cat blown out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
