did you get engaged???
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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