do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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