I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
