she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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