"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
