I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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