She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
