am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
