oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
