Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
