yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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