I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
