What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
