How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
