is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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