she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
