8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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