Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
