I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
