Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
