No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
