I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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