alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
